Weird Stuff from the Kama Sutra: Part 1

ksCongress of the cow.  The twining of the creeper. The pressing of an elephant. What do all of these have in common? They are positions from the Kama Sutra. Not only are they positions, but they are written in a way that your mind has to do double dirty time to imagine exactly how these positions manifest themselves between 2 (or more, in the case of Congress of a herd of cows) human beings.

When I decided to read Vatsyayana’s Kama Sutra, I thought hungrily to myself, Now we’ll get to the heart of all this Kama Sutra stuff. How did all of these sex guides get created? What erotic secrets inspired the line of feather teasers and delicious erotic oils ? What were they doing so amazingly different in the second century?

Frankly, I’m not sure.

When the most descriptive of the positions is Congress of a cow, by saying

“When a woman stands on her hands and feet like a quadruped, and her lover mounts her like a bull, it called congress of the cow. At this time everything that is ordinarily done on the bosom should be done on the back.” (Nothing sexier than the word quadruped.)

“In the same way can be carried on the congress of a dog, the congress of a goat, the congress of a deer, the forcible mounting of an ass, the congress of a cat, the jump of a tiger…”  and the list goes on, really creating a big sex menagarie.

As someone who has had pets her entire life, gone on safari, and accidentally walked in on others having sex (thanks mom and dad for not locking that door, and best friends experimenting with college lesbianism), I have seen all manner of sexual manifestations. The thing is with animals is that they all kind of look the same when they’re doing it.  It makes sense that an ass is forcing himself upon you. And maybe a tiger jumps, adding in that element of surprise.

But what we have in the Kama Sutra is a list of animals. We must truly imagine what they are doing rather than Vatsyayana giving us a step by step guide to what the subtleties in love making differentiate goat love vs. cat love.  And we really need to call attention to whatever he suggests doing to a woman’s back. Not sure what’s on his wife’s back but might want to ask her next time, Vatsyayana, before erotically sucking on her shoulder blades…


3 thoughts on “Weird Stuff from the Kama Sutra: Part 1

  1. Your post made me smile, as I wrote a short story about two people meeting when they modeled poses for a book about the Kama Sutra. Lots of colorful names in the poses. But not the most flattering names, and the poses seemed quite difficult.


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